Morons.

Useless Westlife spare part Kian Egan and his equally talentless slag Jodi Whateverherlastnameis have inflicted another bizarre, attention-grabbing baby name on the world by calling their new son Koa. The child was set free from the innards of his empty-headed mother at 6:10 yesterday evening with the vacuous father tweeting shortly thereafter: “Our little baby boy 'Koa' was born today at 6.10pm. Jodi Albert is an amazing woman. Love them both so much. Both doing amazing, so proud. X” (What the fuck is the ‘X’ for anyway? Wait…maybe that’s just how Kian signs his name. Never mind. Also, notice how the idiot put Koa in quotes, as if to emphasise its special, celebrity-type exclusivity and uniqueness. Give me a fucking bucket).

Koa? KOA???? Are these twats not lauded and validated enough in their own lives without saddling their unfortunate offspring with a fucking ridiculous, made-up baby name in the hope of some free publicity? Why? What’s the point?

I hope when little Koa grows up he sticks this pair of cunts in a corrupt nursing home and then fucks off with all their money.

Hell Just Got A Lot More Slanty-Eyed.

Noted humanitarian and Hennessy Cognac aficionado Kim Jong-il has finally caved to international pressure by agreeing to do the decent thing and just fucking die already. The demise of the world’s second most infamous person named Kim (the Kardashian slut kind of rained on his parade in that department) was announced today on North Korean television by one of that benighted country’s state-controlled mouth-pieces, replete with dramatic wailing and gnashing of teeth. The latest propaganda spewing from Pyongyang asserts that the Dear Leader drew his last Earthly breath on Saturday, following a heart attack brought on by "fatigue and hard work." Stuffing your fat face with a metric fuck-ton of sushi whilst fingering dozens of scandanavian whores is apparently classed as hard work in North Korea. Who knew? Kim is set to be replaced by his equally repulsive son Kim Jong Un. This can only end well...