Reality Skank Becomes Engaged, Remains Pointless and Not Particularly Attractive.

One-time Hills twit Stephanie Pratt has gone and gotten herself engaged to some dude who may or may not be called David Osokow. The useless bitch was partying in Vegas on New Year’s Eve with fellow Hills dildo Lauren Conrad when the afore-mentioned Osokow produced a ring and popped the question. Judging by her immediate reaction, Ms. Pratt was apparently caught unawares by the proposal. Twitteth the airhead:  

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I am still in shock!!”

I wish David all the best in his new role as Spencer Pratt’s brother-in-law. Can you even fucking imagine?

Prehistoric She-Hag Cavorts With Human Males.

Late last night, somewhere in the dark valley of Sepreh, the High Priest of Umam-Shii gathered together his minions to recite the ancient incantation of Desu-Xapmat, which summoned forth an odious creature from the lair of sex-tapes and moth-eaten bathing suits so that it may stalk the Earth in human form. Seconds later, deep in the American west, a washed-up TV has-been was seen to materialize into a Las Vegas nightclub, where it immediately began downing Smirnoff by the bottle and dry humping anything that came within range of its foul, hep-ridden carcass. Then, leaving countless bodies in its crab-laden wake, the creature returned from whence it had come; the overpowering stench from between its legs being the only sign that it had ever walked amongst us…

Fat-Assed Slag is High-Priced Attention Whore.

Some Las Vegas joint named Tao (I guess Wuji and Neidan were already taken) forked out a reported $600 grand to have the wretched Kim Kardashian and her gargantuan rear-end turn up and exist for a couple of hours at their New Year’s Eve shindig. Way to take up space there, Kim! I've never seen something convert oxygen into carbon dioxide with such talent and precision before. YOU GO GIRL!!!

From the looks of the above picture, Kim even had her chin specially sharpened for the event. And that smug grin she’s sporting speaks for itself - she’s not smiling because some club paid her a shitload of money to stand around looking gormless for the gratification of the drooling masses; she’s smiling at her own craftiness in hoodwinking said bottom-feeders into believing that she is anything other than a worthless, fame-craving slut with an ass the size of Mount Fuji. Also, that’s some nice cleavage you’ve got there Kim, but it’s the other cheeks they’ve come to see. You know, the ones that surround that hole you speak out of.