Late last night, somewhere in the dark valley of Sepreh, the High Priest of Umam-Shii gathered together his minions to recite the ancient incantation of Desu-Xapmat, which summoned forth an odious creature from the lair of sex-tapes and moth-eaten bathing suits so that it may stalk the Earth in human form. Seconds later, deep in the American west, a washed-up TV has-been was seen to materialize into a Las Vegas nightclub, where it immediately began downing Smirnoff by the bottle and dry humping anything that came within range of its foul, hep-ridden carcass. Then, leaving countless bodies in its crab-laden wake, the creature returned from whence it had come; the overpowering stench from between its legs being the only sign that it had ever walked amongst us…
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