Some Rich People Got Spliced. Also, Matthew McConaughey Looks Fucking Ugly Side-On.

The first pictures have surfaced of Matthew McConaughey and his baby-mama Camila Alves’ wedding, which took place in Texas last Saturday. Naturally, the ceremony was a very sombre and private affair and was conducted with the utmost sanctity and respect for…aw, who the hell am I kidding? The only reason these two whores got hitched was to cash-in on all the dough that was doubtless offered for those exclusive wedding day pics. Alas, despite their best efforts to appear otherwise, McConaughey and his ho are no less grasping than every other celeb couple on Earth. Mind you, they did make a good fist at attempting to hide their rampant venality, as evidenced by this little nugget spewed forth by Mr. McConaughey regarding his recent nuptials:

It's a union between ourselves and God. A covenant for us, our children and the world.

How touching. And vaguely patronising. Faux-profundity aside, I’m sure Mattie and his new missus will enjoy many years of happy and scandal-free marri – I’m sorry; my fingers tried to complete that sentence but the words “I just hope the doofus got an iron-clad pre-nup” kept pounding in my brain. Oh well.

Also, Matthew McConaughey looks fucking ugly side-on.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Likes Gluing Shiny Things Onto Her Twat.

Thespian-extraordinaire Jennifer Love Hewitt dropped into Conan recently and decided to convey to the world her deep-seated love of “vajazzling,” the inexplicably popular practice of adhering rhinestone-like sparkles to one’s vaginal area. The erstwhile Ghost Whisperer star explained her new found passion for genital decoration, declaring:

It makes you feel saucy, and I don't know, it's kind of fun to walk around and just think that nobody has any idea how shiny it is down there! It works, and it gets a reaction…It's really for the girl to do for herself.

So there you have it: Jennifer Love Hewitt’s fashion sensibilities are on a par with any number of common, orange-skinned bar skanks with low self-esteem and a lust for attention that would make a Kardashian flee to the nearest convent in shame. Yes, nothing says "class" like a bejeweled snatch. Nothing says "desperation" like it either, but since Jennifer’s been reduced to playing a slutty massage therapist on some tawdry Lifetime show, that word has probably lost all meaning for her.