Noted humanitarian and Hennessy Cognac aficionado Kim Jong-il has finally caved to international pressure by agreeing to do the decent thing and just fucking die already. The demise of the world’s second most infamous person named Kim (the Kardashian slut kind of rained on his parade in that department) was announced today on North Korean television by one of that benighted country’s state-controlled mouth-pieces, replete with dramatic wailing and gnashing of teeth. The latest propaganda spewing from Pyongyang asserts that the Dear Leader drew his last Earthly breath on Saturday, following a heart attack brought on by "fatigue and hard work." Stuffing your fat face with a metric fuck-ton of sushi whilst fingering dozens of scandanavian whores is apparently classed as hard work in North Korea. Who knew? Kim is set to be replaced by his equally repulsive son Kim Jong Un. This can only end well...
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