What would it look like if the single most useless bag of medical waste on the
planet became impregnated by an egomaniacal rapper and his roving shlong?
To find out the answer, just get hold of a picture of Kim Kardashian (I think there may be at least three on the Internet) and visualise her with a distended belly
to match the distended ass, only with the bloat being caused by a kid instead
of seventy pounds of cellulite, a dozen silicone implants, and countless lost
sex-aids of the vibrating variety. That’s right: On this last day of twenty twelve , Earth’s most venal reality
whore finds herself with child thanks to the seed of her partner in smugness,
one Kanye West. I’m not quite sure what I felt upon hearing this particular
piece of news; it was definitely a mixture of revulsion and something else.
Horror? Dry retching? A feeling of hopelessness in the face of almost certain
doom? All of the above? Yeah, it was all of the above.
Here’s
what the steatopygic slag’s sister Kourtney had to say about the
impending birth:
Another angel to welcome to our family. Overwhelmed with excitement!
A typically vomitous Kardashian response, there. Tell
me Kim, was the conception caught on tape as well? Cause you know the birth is
gonna be splashed all over E! when the big day arrives, so it might be nice to,
you know, show the viewers a “before and after” perspective. A fine way to
bookend the pregnancy, no?
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