Reality TV maven Kim Kardashian – a shy, retiring creature; you may not have heard of her – is about to make the wet dreams of pubescent boys (also fat ginger teenage girls who have no friends because they live in the Bible Belt and are secretly lesbian, and morbidly obese middle-aged men with psoriasis and access to a cable modem) the world over come true. How? Well, it seems the lucky few who haven’t yet laid eyes on the porno event of the millennium are about to get the opportunity to do just that. TMZ has it that a certain high-profile porn website is sniffing around Kardashian’s infamous 2007 amateur skin flick with a view to purchasing it for a mere $5 million. The recording would then be uploaded to the site as free-to-air wank fodder for the sex-starved masses.
There is one slight hitch: the tape’s current custodian, Vivid Entertainment’s pervert-in-chief Steven Hirsch, is demanding $30 million for the movie or the deal’s off. $30 million? Really?? For grainy, poorly lit footage of some doughy Armenian slag getting poled in the ass by a sleazebag rapper? Has this porno site owner never heard of ‘2 girls 1 cup’? I’m pretty sure that stuff won’t cost him a dime to acquire and it’s easilly a million times more appealing than witnessing Kim Kardashian getting her cavernous orifices stuffed to capacity by Ray J and his assortment of sex toys.
I know which one I’d rather sit through.
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