Coveted, Misshapen Glass Dildos Awarded To Glamorous, Much-Loved Celebrities and Demi Lovato.

The great and the drunk of LA-LA Land descended on the Nokia Theatre in Los Angeles last night to pretend to be happy for being nominated for and/or receiving a cheap piece of perspex depicting a severed pair of human hands. The event, which has been given the moniker The 37th People's Choice Awards, honoured those very few amongst us who are beautiful, famous, have millions of dollars and own several luxurious properties dotted across the globe. Curiously, these people feel their lives would not be entirely complete without the acquisition of meaningless imitation-glass trophies, which in turn gives rise to tedious awards shows like the one mentioned above.

A full list of winners after the jump, plus a few I just made up out of sheer spite.

FAVORITE MOVIE
“The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”

FAVORITE MOVIE ACTOR
Johnny Depp

FAVORITE MOVIE ACTRESS
Kristen Stewart

FAVORITE MOVIE ACTRESS WHO LOOKS LIKE GONZO FROM THE MUPPET SHOW
Penelope Cruz

FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE
“Iron Man 2″

FAVORITE ACTION STAR
Jackie Chan

FAVORITE DRAMA MOVIE
“The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”

FAVORITE FAMILY MOVIE
“Toy Story 3″

FAVORITE MOVIE WHERE WILLEM DAFOE GETS HIS BALLS RIPPED OFF
Anything he's ever been in I should imagine

FAVORITE COMEDY MOVIE
“Grown Ups”

FAVORITE COMEDIC STAR
Adam Sandler

FAVORITE COMEDIC STAR WHO'S IDEA OF ACTING IS PULLING CHILDISH FACES AND TALKING LIKE SCOOBY DOO HAVING A STROKE
Adam Sandler

FAVORITE ON-SCREEN TEAM
“The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” – Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner

FAVORITE MOVIE STAR UNDER 25
Zac Efron

FAVORITE MOVIE STAR OVER 125
Michael Douglas

FAVORITE HORROR MOVIE
“A Nightmare on Elm Street”

FAVORITE TV DRAMA
“House M.D.”

FAVORITE TV DRAMA ACTOR
Hugh Laurie

FAVORITE TV DRAMA ACTRESS
Lisa Edelstein

FAVORITE TV COMEDY
“Glee”

FAVORITE TV COMEDY ACTOR
Neil Patrick Harris

FAVORITE TV COMEDY ACTRESS
Jane Lynch

FAVORITE THING TAYLOR LAUTNER LIKES TO DO IN THE SHOWER WITH A PICTURE OF ROBERT PATTINSON
Why, wash himself of course! Simple as that. And also masturbate furiously while looking at the picture of Robert Pattinson.

FAVORITE COMPETITION SHOW
“American Idol”

FAVORITE TV CRIME DRAMA
“Lie To Me”

FAVORITE TV CRIME FIGHTER
Tim Roth – “Lie To Me”

FAVORITE SCI-FI TV SHOW
“Fringe”

FAVORITE TALK SHOW HOST
Conan O’Brien

FAVORITE TV OBSESSION
“Dexter”

FAVORITE TV GUILTY PLEASURE
“Keeping Up with the Kardashians”

FAVORITE TV GUEST STAR
Demi Lovato on Grey’s Anatomy

FAVORITE TV DOCTOR
Gregory House – Hugh Laurie

FAVORITE TV FAMILY
The Simpsons on “The Simpsons”

FAVORITE TIME TO SCREAM OBSCENITIES AT THE TV
Whenever that bitch Ellen starts dancing around like a fucking epileptic giraffe during her show

FAVORITE FAMILY TV MOVIE
“Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam”

FAVORITE TV CHEF
Rachael Ray

FAVORITE TV CHEF WHO YOU'D LIKE TO SEE CHOKE ON A CHICKEN BONE LIVE ON AIR

Rachael Ray

FAVORITE NEW TV COMEDY
“Shit My Dad Says”

FAVORITE NEW TV DRAMA
“Hawaii Five-0″

FAVORITE MALE ARTIST
Eminem

FAVORITE FEMALE ARTIST
Katy Perry

FAVORITE SONG
“Love the Way You Lie” – Eminem featuring Rihanna

FAVORITE ROCK BAND
Paramore

FAVORITE BREAKOUT ARTIST
Selena Gomez & The Scene

FAVORITE POP ARTIST
Rihanna

FAVORITE THING RIHANNA LIKES TO DO WITH HER FOREHEAD

Rent it out to elderly washer-women to beat their clothes against

FAVORITE COUNTRY ARTIST
Taylor Swift

FAVORITE R&B ARTIST
Usher

FAVORITE HIP-HOP ARTIST
Eminem

FAVORITE MUSIC VIDEO
“Love the Way You Lie” – Eminem featuring Rihanna

FAVORITE ONLINE SENSATION
Katy Perry

FAVORITE VIRAL VIDEO STAR
“Single Ladies” Devastation – The Whittaker Family

FAVORITE WAY TO SPELL FAVORITE
F-A-V-O-U-R-I-T-E.