Former X-Factor participants and current omens of the Apocalypse John and Edward Grimes have announced plans to launch their own currency. The twin antitheses of all things holy unleashed the coinage onto an unsuspecting world via their twitter page earlier today, immediately sending seismic fluctuations through international monetary markets and breaking open the final seal on the seventh layer of Hell.
When reached for comment, Satan was quick to point the finger of blame at the millions of “vicious, thoughtless troglodytes” who voted the little fuckers through to subsequent rounds of the popular TV talent show week after week, thereby galvanising their longevity and potential to annoy.
Jedward, on the other hand, seemed relatively un-phased by the imminent destruction of all life on Earth by the forces of evil and was highly vocal in its excitement for the new venture. “Oh my God, we're Jedward guys!” proclaimed the one on the right whilst dancing around like a toddler in need of the toilet, with the slightly better-looking one on the left asserting that “It’s totally awesome and like so like currency and like banking and stuff.”
The Vatican has received a formal request from the UN for an emergency exorcism to be carried out on the gurning little shits, but has yet to release a statement in response. However, a representative of the Pontiff has attempted to deflect all responsibility by insisting that the Pope had consistently voted for Joe McElderry last year and not "the evil with two faces" as had previously been reported.
The crisis continues...
No comments:
Post a Comment